Project “Wishful/Wistful”, (Spring 2019) is dedicated to my deceased half-sister Tanya
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Tanya, remember we were celebrating something together? 

That day you were holding my hand and
I might not know it if somebody wouldn’t capture that. 

What if that was the last time you were holding my hand?
I do not remember the feelings.
Even when you were alive. How was that? Were we sisters?

I remember your text message that I got on my birthday. I got that one when I was in school, so it was in the morning. Usually, you remembered about me a late afternoon. Sometimes, you didn’t at all. And yes, I was you in that sense. Once, I even wanted you to go to jail or die.
And I’m sorry.

I couldn’t look anymore at your child and our father that were suffering because of your lifestyle. But at those days I’ve never ever thought that you were suffering the most.
I’m sorry. I couldn’t help you. I simply didn’t know how.
Will you ever forgive me?
I love you, sis.

P.S. I’m not sure I lost you because I don’t know if I ever had you.
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I have no peace
In the quietest place
Because I hear
In this natural silence
How your voice gets louder
Louder than my own
How long am I without you?
How long I’ve been with you?
I’m telling myself “don’t cry”
But you were crying as well
It’s spring out there
Everything is blooming
Except for my soul

Are you with me in the shadows of a sunny day?
Are you with me in the clouds?
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